Think about nothing.
Think about everything.
Watch the ceiling fan, listen for the little clicks it makes.
Count them click click clickclickclick click
Close your eyes. Feel them burn.
Watch the hazy memories that float by you,
You’re too tired to fight them, but not sleepy
Enough to escape.
Remember how you woke one night
At 4 AM, with your lungs threatening to burst,
Feeling red-hot scrapes on your limbs
And bruises around your neck.
Think about crazy things,
Things that would be deemed concerning,
Like what would happen one day if you suddenly died,
Not suicide, no, but something tragic, like an illness,
A freak accident, a deadly car crash.
Think up the newsreel
That would play across the nation:
WORLD’S MOST MUNDANE GIRL DIES DEVASTATINGLY YOUNG,
Shots of you smiling cheesily, a cut of strangers weeping.
You cry over your own funeral that hasn’t happened yet,
Such a strange catharsis.
Roll over onto your back, don’t you know it’s better
To sleep that way? You don’t want face wrinkles, do you?
In the fuzzy world between waking and dreaming,
Reflect on your bright, wrinkle-less future.
Go to that place where it’s so vivid you can taste
The sweet frosting of your wedding cake,
Feel the soft skin of your first child, her dimpled knees
And tiny toes. Hold onto it in your mind, then let it go,
Gently, a balloon lost in the blue.
And drift away.
Wanda Deglane is a psychology/family & human development student at Arizona State University. Her poetry has been published or forthcoming on Dodging the Rain, Rust + Moth, Anti-Heroin Chic, and elsewhere. She is the daughter of Peruvian immigrants, and lives with her giant family and beloved dog, Princess Leia, in Glendale, Arizona.